There is what seems to be a right of passage in my profession. One that isn't glamorous. One that most people aren't aware of. Heck, I didn't even really know it existed until I was well on my way to becoming it with my feet sprinting down the road of cynicism. Becoming jaded. Losing my innocence and naivety. I even felt a little pride when my staff physician last year laughed and said, "Wow, Susan, you're already jaded." It felt like I was joining their club. I was a "real" doctor. So mature. Now the cynic in me has taken over and trying to pull back the reigns to let some compassion creep in is more difficult than it should be.
Unfortunately, it isn't just the "Dr. Newman" side of me that is a cynic. It has rubbed off and left muddy fingerprints on the "Susan" side of the rest of my life, too. My ability to doubt, mock, and judge is quick, sharp, and effortless. Sickening.
Some day I hope to find the balance between naivety and cynicism. Wisdom.
hugs… hang on to Jesus… the author of compassion and wisdom. :) He loves you so and has a plan for you.. never forget it.
ReplyDeletepretty sure it isn't just your profession that causes cynicism. I have found that most women struggle with it because we tend to wear our hearts on our sleeves. Not everyone treats our hearts well and we get wounded. Then we try and protect our wounds instead of giving it to our Great Physician. Silly us! Someday we'll get the hang of giving it *all* over to Jesus :)
ReplyDeleteLove you,
Alicia :)