Memories, Lessons, & Dreams

I should come here more often.  I'm sitting in the library.  It's quiet.  It's thought provoking.  It's peaceful.  That's not exactly the same description of the house I left a few minutes ago.  I left a screaming, fit-throwing 2 year-old and his clingy, crying, little brother.  Don't worry, I left them in the hands of my capable husband who already had his getaway time this morning to the gym.  My introverted personality needs this quiet to recharge.  To think.  To learn.  To reminisce.  To dream.

Ahhh.  Quiet.  deep sigh...

I find it fitting that I'm in the library to write this last piece for the year.  Can you believe that another year is gone.  In a few weeks I'll be starting my LAST year of residency.  Wow, <enter cheesy cliche here>!  Here are a few thoughts from the year  past and the year ahead now that I actually have the quiet to let my brain go there:

MEMORIES:

• I'll always remember meeting B.C. and her daughter in the ER.  We got her diabetes and pain under control, then started to care for her daughter's pregnancy, and then diagnosed her son with cancer.  Talk about highs and lows.  They are still always smiling, and I'm always happy to see any of them on my schedule.  It's an easy reminder of why I love Family Medicine.
• Who could forget those terrible call nights.  The post I've had the most comments about has been: "10 Reasons to Not Call your Doctor at 2AM."  It's my least favorite part of the job, but it does make for the best stories.
• Cemented in my brain is the lunch time meeting in Dr. Fruehling's office when he officially dropped the bomb that the clinic wouldn't be recruiting me for the sake of salvaging the residency program.  Even though nothing he said that day was "news" to me, it still left a wound that I'm still trying to figure out how to heal.
 

LESSONS:

• God answers prayers.  He is faithful and good.  When I need a little reminder I still go back and read My Little Firecracker and 619 Arthur.
• Believe it or not, I've also learned that I canNOT actually do it all.  I will never be Martha Stewart + Rachael Ray + Beth Moore + Dr. Oz + Michael Phelps.  There are only 24 hours in a day.  An hour of studying is an hour I'm not swimming.  A morning reading my Bible is a morning I'm not at the hospital rounding.  A weekend with Jason is a weekend I'm not with the boys.  I used to think that I could sleep less and schedule more.  Now I've come to terms with sacrifice.  I'm not willing to sacrifice time with my boys for time with my hobbies, so this summer may be my last triathlon for a while.  I'm not willing to sacrifice my marriage for my career, so I've come to terms that I'll probably be the doctor referring patients to specialists for issues because I didn't stay on top of the latest and greatest treatments.  I just can't do it all.  And that's okay.
   

DREAMS:

• I'm still working on my 30 by 30.  I've gotten some accomplished already, and I'm working on a few of the bigger ones.  For example, we did pay for some one's dinner at the "pancake store" (aka Perkins), we took the boys camping, and I'm on track to finish the Bible in the next year.
• We intend to have my student loans (all $112,704-ish) paid off, in full, by Jason's 30th birthday: May 14, 2014.  Feel free to keep us accountable and ask how we're doing.  Actually, please do.
• I dream less tangibly, too.  In the next year, I hope to have a job that will be fulfilling yet yielding to the rest of my life.  I hope to start planning for the next little Newman.  I hope to read more and write more because I actually really do enjoy it.  I hope to see the success of my husband in his career.  I hope to have happy, healthy, (and well-behaved) boys.

Well, I'm not very good at ending things.  And I'm usually the one saying "good-bye" twice when I end a phone conversation.  I end all of my emails with "Thanks!" even if it isn't really relevant to the conversation.  And I still haven't figured out when to hug vs. shake hands vs. walk away when I leave some one's house.  So, I apologize for ending this awkwardly, too.

P.S.  I really should come to the library more often.  :)

Camping

I guess you could say that we are always up for a challenge.  Last weekend was the Zlomke family campout, and we didn't want to miss it... again.  So we hauled a car load of stuff, our two boys, and a tent to Fort Kearney for the weekend.

We may be up for a challenge, but we aren't totally nuts.  Instead of the Thursday through Sunday extravaganza for some, we came just for the Saturday and Sunday.  Trust me, that was plenty.  We had a blast, but we were EXHAUSTED by Sunday afternoon.  So exhausted that we ALL took a 4 hour nap when we got home!

G waking up bright and early in the tent.

Here are some highlights from the trip:

• Staying up most of Friday night to make Grandma's cinnamon rolls to take for breakfast.  Thankfully, Jason talked me into making a double batch because one whole pan burned.  We still had plenty.
• Jogging with my dad Sunday morning.
• Watching 83-ish year old Papa throw Owen up in the air.  I'm pretty sure one more toss and they both would have ended up in the ER.  One with a broken arm, and the other a broken hip.
• Griffin having a blow-out diaper in the pack-n-play during dinner.  That's what I get for pushing the apple juice (even if it was watered down) to keep him hydrated.
• Dad's awesome pork chops and Jaekeun's Korean food.
• Walking to the Platte River.
• The plethora of bean side dishes at the Litchfield potluck dinner.
• Driving around Saturday afternoon, just so the boys could have some sort of a nap (and so I could get out of an hour reading historical markers at the actual Fort Kearney).
• Griffin finally realizing that swimming is fun.
• The boys each taking a shower in Dad's camper.  If you've ever been in a camper bathroom, imagine it with me, Jason, Owen, and Griffin with a lot of crying and a lot of soap.  At least they were clean in the end.  And Owen was proud to have taken a "shower" instead of a bath.
• Owen's huge eyes when he went to bed in the tent repeatedly saying "I not scared."
• Penny the puppy.

Under the Knife

Health insurance was made for babies like Griffin.  Not quite a year old and he has surpassed Owen's trips to the hospital and medical bills a few times over.  (And don't forget, Owen did "break his foot" when he was 12 months old, so he's not completely naive to the whole thing either.)

Last week, Griffin went under the knife.  I was going to spare you the details of why, but if you're like me curiosity would drive you nuts.  And I don't want anyone[else] going nuts.  So... my all-boy little "G" was born with an undescended testicle.  One nut.  Uni-ball.  Solo.  I know, it's not too glamorous, and he will be totally embarrassed in 15 years if he knew you knew, but that's it. 

After waiting 6 months for it to come down on its own, which obviously it didn't, a trip to the surgeon was next on the agenda.  (Getting that scheduled is another whole story.)  With no sight of it by exam or by ultrasound the planned operation was for exploration of his abdomen.  If they could find it they would do the first of a 2 or 3 part surgery to free up and lengthen the blood supply so in the future it could pulled back to where it belongs.  The other possibility was that it never developed properly in the first place, and they would just need to take it out so it wouldn't become a problem down the round.  I was convinced, for no particular reason, the latter was the case for Griffin.

The surgery was scheduled for two hours on May 29th.  I was thankful that the ball (no pun intended) was rolling, but of course I was nervous for the possible complications.  Of which, the complications I made up in my mind were much worse than what was realistic.  Enter Philippians 4:4-7.

The day came, and Griffin was blissfully unaware of what was awaiting him.  Jason and I planned for a long day starting with a morning with a cranky, fasting baby, an afternoon with nerves and a slow clock, and an evening with a groggy, uncomfortable boy.  After checking in and getting settled in the room, we headed down for an ultrasound.  It was going to be the same as the one he had a few months ago, and I figured the outcome would be the same too.  It seriously never crossed my mind that they would see what they saw.  They found it!  And it was already down near where it needed to be.

It didn't take long for the word to spread to our surgeon.  About the time we made it up from Radiology the Urology resident met us and the surgeon was not far behind.  Surgery plans had changed.  No exploratory surgery needed.  Instead they planned to do the final stage of the surgery: "orchiopexy" is the cool, official name along with a hernia repair.  In an unrelated event, our O.R. time had been moved up half an hour.

The rest of the day went just as smoothly.  They couldn't quite get it exactly where they wanted, but they anticipate it coming the rest of the way on it's own and doubt he'll need anymore surgery.  And not only did we not have to stay the night, we were out of there by 3:30.  Talk about answered prayers!

It has been just a few days, and he is back to his usual self.  If it weren't for some bruising and being unable to take a bath, go swimming, or "straddle" any toys (which, for whatever reason, Jason found really funny), you wouldn't even know he just had surgery.

Despite having a few health hurdles, we know they have been minor compared to what some parents go through.  We are so thankful to be blessed with healthy children who happen to have a few little quirks and blessed to have health insurance.

The Future

We are not idle.  Something is always happening.  There are some big - I mean huge - fun things in the near future that we are working toward.  Some are lofty goals.  Others well earned achievements.  And, of course, some are just the exciting stuff of life.  It gives me anxious butterflies in my stomach thinking about the next few years.  Not the anxiety that comes out of fear but out of anticipation instead.  I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve, or like I'm climbing a mountain and the summit is just ahead.  I can't wait to unwrap the gift.  I can't wait to see the view.

In a little over a year I will finish residency.  Just a year.  That might seem like a while to some, but after being in school essentially my entire life a year is like a breath away.  In the last few months I've been looking at jobs and negotiating contracts.  It's seems surreal.  Soon enough my professional life will be wide open - free for me to shape and fulfill.  I'm looking forward to a clinic schedule filled with my own patients, delivering siblings and eventually grandchildren, going to bed at night knowing that I made a difference, and of course a 4 day work week.  Ooohh, it's coming.

Jason is also in an exciting point of his career.  He recently got a teaching position at a middle school in Grand Island, and, in case you missed it, he just graduated with his masters in Education Administration this spring.  If you know my husband, you know that it won't be long before he has climbed the ladder and is a principal, athletic director, or superintendent.  And he'll be great!

Nearly 20 years of combined post-high school education wasn't cheap.  Our lofty goal for the next two years is to be debt free.  In two years from yesterday, when Jason turns 30, we hope to mail our last student loan payment.  Forever.  It's a lofty goal for sure, so feel free to keep us accountable.  Actually, please do.  Even with a few sacrifices in the next two years, we are super excited for the view at the top of debt free mountain.

Lastly, with negotiating contracts that include (or don't include) maternity leave and watching Griffin grow from a helpless baby to a curious toddler, we can't help but think about what the future holds for our family.  Now before rumors fly, we are not pregnant nor are we trying.  But with my 2 or 3 or 5 year glasses on, I might be able to see another Baby Newman crawling around (and maybe in pink).

Isn't it exciting?!  I hope you can be excited with us.  We haven't been idle because we have so much to look forward to.  The work is worth it.  The process has been enjoyable.  The journey, rewarding.  Now the push for the finish.

Hoarders

By now, we've all seen the terribly uncomfortable, sometimes nauseating shows that give us a small glimpse into the life of a hoarder.  If you are like me, you get some comfort from the fact that my unkempt living room is far from the collections of crap and mountains of mess belonging to "those" people.  However, recently I heard something that has stuck with me.  It's a simple definition of hoarding:

hoard-ing: v, having without using

Having without using!  Let that settle for a moment.

 If you're like me your mind may be drawn to the stack of boxes in the basement that you moved, and then moved, and then moved.  Those boxes that you first packed 7 years ago and have yet to open again.  You know, the one that has the third set of kitchen utensils from your bridal shower you might need someday.  The one with the glass vase you can't use while there are kids (or just clumsy you) in the house.  How about the heavy one with all of those books from college that the bookstore wouldn't buy back.  Do you have a few of those?

 

"Hoarding" is the word for this generation.  "Pack-rat" might ring your bell instead.  Regardless, "foolish" is what the Bible calls it.  To soften the blow, I'll avoid the three letter "s" word that ends with "-in."

 

This definition has been tumbling around my head bumping into the greed, pride and insecurity that's in there, too.  Talk about a headache.  Therefore, I decided to do something about it.  It's called a garage sale!  (I know, it's pretty redneck.)

Can you believe all of that "stuff!"  That's just a fraction of what we were selling and an even smaller fraction of what is probably still left sitting around our house.  And if you've known Jason and I for any amount of our married life you know the size of the places we've called home - 400 square feet to 800 then 900 now about 1200 square feet (woohoo for a basement and a garage that somehow are already full).  Where?  How?

 

After a few days of hard work, it's over.  It feels good to have some junk out of our lives and a little extra cash in our hands, and it really didn't even hurt to watch stuff leave that I once thought I "needed."  Good riddance!

10 Reasons to NOT Call Your Doctor at 2 AM:

The disclaimer: These may, or may not, be based on actual events.  If you think one was you or someone you know, it wasn't.  I promise.  Actually, they are all overly dramatized... for the most part, and I really do like my job... for the most part.

10.  Because you can't breath.

Calling for breathing problems is generally very appropriate, and you should usually call any time day or night.  However, if you literally CANNOT breath, please do not waste your time calling our office; having the call center page me; to have me roll out of bed, turn on the lamp, find my glasses, find my pager, find my phone, then return the page to them; to finally get your name, date of birth, and phone number; to call you; to hear you say: "I ... (gasp) ... am ... (gasp) ... short ... (gasp) ... of ... (gasp) ... breath ... (gasp, gasp)"  Call 9-1-1!  I'll see you at 4AM when the ER calls me to admit you to the I.C.U..

9.  Because your dentist told you to.

If you are a dentist, I respect the work you do, and I probably would like you as a person.  But I have to confess there have been a few times that I have cursed your profession under my breath.  There are a rare few dentists out there creating a bad taste in my mouth just as I'm sure there are a few Family Physicians out there doing the same.  Regardless, it is never fun to get the call from a patient that had dental work the previous day, now their pain is uncontrolled and they were told to call their family doctor if that happened outside of their dentist's regular office hours.  Please manage your own complications.

8.  Because your 8 year old has had a cold for 3 days, it is getting better, they don't have a fever, and they have been normally eating, drinking, peeing, pooping, playing, and currently are sleeping comfortably.

And what is your question?  You need a note to keep them out of school tomorrow?  Really?  Sure there have been plenty of times I've sent parents to the ER at 2AM for kids with fevers, coughs, vomiting, etc...  It's totally appropriate to call if you're wondering if you should go to the ER.  But I can promise you I won't be inviting you to swing my my house at 2:30AM to pick up a note for school.

7.  To see if your regular doctor has open appointments in the morning.

Enough said.

6.  Because you have diarrhea and you're supposed to have a colonoscopy in the morning.

Can you say "colon prep."  I've sat through a few pre-colonoscopy appointments, and I've yet to be at one where they forget to mention this small side effect.  On the off chance they forget to tell you when you go in for yours, here's your warning: You. Will. Have. Diarrhea.

5.  To ask if the doctor who sent you home from the hospital 2 weeks ago wanted you to take a baby or full dose aspirin.

First question, it was two weeks ago and you're just thinking of this now?  Second, maybe that's a question you should ask that doctor?  Third, who takes aspirin at 2AM?

4.  To discuss your genital warts.

It may be surprising, but this is not all that uncommon.  It may not be as surprising that I have yet to see a genital wart emergency.  Who knows... maybe some day.

3.  Because you're in the ER waiting room, and you've been waiting too long.

Picture this with me.  You are sitting in a hospital ER waiting area.  The chairs really aren't that comfortable.  You are surrounded by several other people patiently waiting for their name to be called.  Some bleeding.  Others coughing.  Babies crying.  Through the large, somewhat-bullet-proof glass window looking into the nurse's station you can see nurses, doctors, phlebotomists, and X-ray staff hurriedly running around as efficiently as they can to get people in and out.  You suddenly realize you have been waiting 20 minutes and that guy next to you with chest pain got in after waiting for 2.  What do you do?  Option 1: Go up to the desk, and see why you haven't been called; Option 2: Continue to wait patiently and know that next time "stubbed toe" won't get you very high on the list; or Option 3: Call and wake me up to complain and find out that I actually won't "pull some strings" to get you in.  Hmmm...

2.  Narcotics.  Narcotics.  Narcotics.

They call it pain meds, pain pills, the-only-thing-that-works, narcotics, what-your-other-doctor-promised, or that medicine that starts with a "P".  Even if your kid flushed it, your dog ate it, some stranger broke into your house and stole it, or if it was lost in your luggage when you flew back from the funeral of your great aunt twice removed in Arkansas, I won't refill it.

1.  Because you can't sleep.

And now I can't either.  Thanks!

Hospitality

"Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay." I Peter 4:9

"Need" might be a stretch, but it was my pleasure to share my home this weekend.

If you would have seen the piles of laundry, the smell of our garbage can, and the hair that had collected on our bathroom floor at the end of last week you would likely not have guessed that we were the host for Easter dinner this year.

Thankfully, it didn't take too long to get things presentable and food prepared.  We even had plenty of time to enjoy an Easter egg hunt on Saturday and an awesome church service Sunday morning.

Mom, Phil, Alicia, their three kids, and my grandparents came over for Easter dinner.  It was so much fun - such a pleasure to be surrounded by aged wisdom and youthful energy in the same dining room.  Dinner was followed by an egg hunt, more food, a couple of rounds of cards, more food, and then a pitful showing (on my part) of Acquire.

I enjoyed every minute of it.

If you've ever hesitated to open up your home, forget your excuses.  It's worth it.  We have a small house, a tiny kitchen, a toaster oven, no dishwasher, and no time.  And we hosted!  We did it, and we'll do it again!

Brothers on Easter!