I should come here more often. I'm sitting in the library. It's quiet. It's thought provoking. It's peaceful. That's not exactly the same description of the house I left a few minutes ago. I left a screaming, fit-throwing 2 year-old and his clingy, crying, little brother. Don't worry, I left them in the hands of my capable husband who already had his getaway time this morning to the gym. My introverted personality needs this quiet to recharge. To think. To learn. To reminisce. To dream.
Ahhh. Quiet. deep sigh...
I find it fitting that I'm in the library to write this last piece for the year. Can you believe that another year is gone. In a few weeks I'll be starting my LAST year of residency. Wow, <enter cheesy cliche here>! Here are a few thoughts from the year past and the year ahead now that I actually have the quiet to let my brain go there:
MEMORIES:
- I'll always remember meeting B.C. and her daughter in the ER. We got her diabetes and pain under control, then started to care for her daughter's pregnancy, and then diagnosed her son with cancer. Talk about highs and lows. They are still always smiling, and I'm always happy to see any of them on my schedule. It's an easy reminder of why I love Family Medicine.
- Who could forget those terrible call nights. The post I've had the most comments about has been: "10 Reasons to Not Call your Doctor at 2AM." It's my least favorite part of the job, but it does make for the best stories.
- Cemented in my brain is the lunch time meeting in Dr. Fruehling's office when he officially dropped the bomb that the clinic wouldn't be recruiting me for the sake of salvaging the residency program. Even though nothing he said that day was "news" to me, it still left a wound that I'm still trying to figure out how to heal.
LESSONS:
- God answers prayers. He is faithful and good. When I need a little reminder I still go back and read My Little Firecracker and 619 Arthur.
- Believe it or not, I've also learned that I canNOT actually do it all. I will never be Martha Stewart + Rachael Ray + Beth Moore + Dr. Oz + Michael Phelps. There are only 24 hours in a day. An hour of studying is an hour I'm not swimming. A morning reading my Bible is a morning I'm not at the hospital rounding. A weekend with Jason is a weekend I'm not with the boys. I used to think that I could sleep less and schedule more. Now I've come to terms with sacrifice. I'm not willing to sacrifice time with my boys for time with my hobbies, so this summer may be my last triathlon for a while. I'm not willing to sacrifice my marriage for my career, so I've come to terms that I'll probably be the doctor referring patients to specialists for issues because I didn't stay on top of the latest and greatest treatments. I just can't do it all. And that's okay.
DREAMS:
- We intend to have my student loans (all $112,704-ish) paid off, in full, by Jason's 30th birthday: May 14, 2014. Feel free to keep us accountable and ask how we're doing. Actually, please do.
- I dream less tangibly, too. In the next year, I hope to have a job that will be fulfilling yet yielding to the rest of my life. I hope to start planning for the next little Newman. I hope to read more and write more because I actually really do enjoy it. I hope to see the success of my husband in his career. I hope to have happy, healthy, (and well-behaved) boys.
Well, I'm not very good at ending things. And I'm usually the one saying "good-bye" twice when I end a phone conversation. I end all of my emails with "Thanks!" even if it isn't really relevant to the conversation. And I still haven't figured out when to hug vs. shake hands vs. walk away when I leave some one's house. So, I apologize for ending this awkwardly, too.
P.S. I really should come to the library more often. :)
Heehee I caught the next new little Newman comment. We will be excited when that dream comes true!
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