Oh man. Where should we start. It feels like I'm sitting down for coffee with an old friend who I haven't seen in far too long. There are a thousand things to say, but it's so jumbled in my brain I don't even know if I can put together an intelligent sentence.
And although, I could pick any one of those thousand things to talk about, I guess I'll start with what is arguably the biggest. The elephant in the room. The thing that keeps me up at night and distracted during the day. That pesky thing is that I've started the daunting task of... job hunting! Gasp. That sounds so professional and so strange coming out of this mouth that has been a student for the last 24 years. It's scary crazy to be job hunting. Although, truthfully, "hunting" really isn't the right word anyway. I, actually, kind of have felt like the prey.
Primary care doctors are such an endangered species, that it puts me in a strange, kind of awkward, situation. I almost would prefer to be in competition. At least then, I would know who really wants to hire me. Me for me. Not just because I'm a body with an M.D. who can fill their desperately empty hole. Me because I'm the best out there, not because I'm the only thing they can get. I want to feel chosen. Selected. Desired. I remember the feeling of getting the internship in high school, the scholarships in college, the acceptance letter for medical school, and the phone call from Dr. O'Dell for the Primary Care program. It felt good. Good to be selected, and good to have someone else make the decision whether or not I'm in.
Now I'm the one making the call. Am I in, or am I not in. And, for someone as indecisive as me, it's painful. So much is weighing into this decision. Of course there are the professional factors. Can I do OB? Do I have to cover the ER? How nice is the hospital? How bad is the medical community's drama? Blah, blah, blah... Then there are the community things. Where would be go to church? What could we do for fun? Etc... And obviously the family stuff is a big deal. Could Jason get a job? How are the schools for the boys? How far is it from our extended family? My analytical mind wants to know all of the details and then create a spreadsheet or formula or something that would ensure that I make the "correct" decision. (If you thinks that's ridiculous or an exaggeration, please ignore the fact that I had a score sheet between Grand Island, Kearney, and Scottsbluff when we were deciding on my residency.)
Right now our serious considerations are between Kearney and Grand Island. I'm meeting with the clinic in Kearney in a few weeks, so we'll see how that goes, and my thoughts on Grand Island change as fast as the weather does. Central City has been in contact, but Jason hasn't been too impressed so that's probably out. We've also thought about something a little closer to Omaha, so nothing is off of the table yet.
I'm not done with residency until July 2013, so there clearly isn't a rush. But if I'm this anxious now, I sure hope I have something figured out by then. I'll keep you posted.
